I’ve been spinning for days on how to explain depression and how it feels to the people in my immediate circle. If everyone picks the first word that comes to mind to try to explain or “label” their depression, I’m sure all different kinds of answers will come up. None of us are alike. My word is HEAVY. My entire existence feels heavy. Like there is literally a weight on my shoulders that is pushing me down. My body feels like it weighs 800 pounds and I struggle to do everyday things like shower, get out of bed, groom myself, make it out of the house, reach out for help… And so many other things because everything around me, including me, is HEAVY.

After being told this afternoon for the millionth time by my ex-husband (who is so graciously housing me right now, no strings attached) to just “snap yourself out of this!”, I decided that I was going to actively try to find a way to describe, not just in words, how it FEELS to be me on a day to day basis.

I went to the interwebs and did a general search for how you explain depression and came up with an article by a blogger/website I already follow, called ScaryMommy. She can be quite hilarious at times describing how insane being a mother of small children can make you feel. But apparently, she has some sort of interest in depression.

I am linking the article here, but I have to tell you… If you are not at least mid-30’s, you may not get the reference to ‘The Nothingness’ from The Never Ending Story. I think that this article is a pretty great summation of how I feel from the moment I open my eyes every morning. The article was written by Elizabeth Broadbent, whom you can follow here

Author: Autumn Delaney

A screwed up girl in an even more screwed up world...

One thought on “HEAVY”

  1. Vanessa, thank you for this. I empathize with you, and I have never heard a more telling description of depression than what this woman has written. I do remember the Never Ending Story, and have always thought The Nothing was a metaphor for our state of mind.


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