It’s a New Year. Filled with new dreams, new possibilities and for me, I’m hoping, new opportunities.
I spend 5 days a week in an IOP Psych program attempting to understand my Bi-Polar 2 diagnosis and all of the ways I can keep it from defining me. I understand that I have been given these diagnoses, and that keeping them at bay will be a daily part of my life for the rest of my life. I can live with that.
One thing I know for sure, is that I am strong. A FIGHTER. I will never stop fighting to gain control over my life and well-being.
I have my good days which are very few, and I also have my bad days, which seem to rule my days at the moment. But as dark as my views get, I DO see a future for myself. One in which I am taking care of myself and am in charge of my own future.
I cannot give up. Cannot give in to my demons or this darkness. There are a lot of things I have to work out within myself.
If I am meant to learn a lesson in this life time, I am already aware of the fact that it is this…
I need to stop looking into and living in the past. I need to accept everything that happened and all of the choices that I or others may have made that directly influenced my future.
I also need to learn to love myself and that I AM enough and good enough and that I am worthy of, and deserve all of the happiness that everyone else deserves in life. All I can do is my best. There is no failure. Only lessons learned. I have been here before. Several times. And I always get better. I just never go in the right direction afterwards. I need to believe in myself and know that this will pass as long as I never give up and never stop fighting.